Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Actions speak louder than pants.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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