Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
