I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
