i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
