I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
