I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
