Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
