Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
