What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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