I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
