Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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