My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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