I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
