driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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