so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
