he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
