what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
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