Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
only if we run a train.
done.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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