you guys were way drunker than both of me
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
