Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
