don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
