I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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