Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
