Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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