in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
