Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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