I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
