Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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