Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
