Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I believe in your delicious
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
