He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
