who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
