I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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