just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
