If i could tip my vagina, i would.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I FOUND THE LEGS
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
