why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
