What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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