My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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