Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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