he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
