just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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