By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
