If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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