Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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