wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
