woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
