Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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