Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
