Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
