This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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