12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
